Spider, very interesting and also true. Finding the words to discribe what it feels like to go through and experience PTSD is very difficult. I have found myself constantly trying to discribe it so my husband will understand how hard I am trying, and how difficult it is to not only understand myself, but to do my best on the very bad days.

I can relate to the fact that others around the sufferer of PTSD do dislike hearing about it. Yes, it does present the fact that life is unpredictable and we do not have as much control as we would like to believe. It seems that all the responses are conveyed in words that all revolve around "just get over it" some kind of "JUST" as though the one who sufferes is weak and truely not making the choice to "JUST SNAP OUT OF IT".

In my therapy with my T this week I talked to him about what my difficult days are like and because I am learning about PTSD I am also paying close attention the what happens to me sometimes. I explained to him that while I do practice relaxing and self soothing, I have come to realize that when these strange memories come into play they pretty much take over and what I have to do is learn that I have to allow them to come forward, experience them and wait until they pass. It is almost like they put the rest of my brain on hold and say, THIS IS WHAT WAS LIVED THROUGH AND FELT AT AGE 10, REMEMBERING RELIVING MODE. And I am always exhausted afterwards, and I also have to try to reason with it AFTER I experience it. This is something a therapist has not felt and I don't care how much he says, take deep breaths etc., once this comes forward, it has to just run it's course somehow. However there are times when these events are smaller and can be reduced by slowing down and self soothing.

Sometimes I think about when we have a bad stomach flew and no amount of deep breathing is going to stop the moments when our body simply says something needs to come out. Well, the average person encounters this and can relate. If only that were true about PTSD, but unless one truely experiences it, they cannot truely relate.

Hey, my own daughter, I did raise her well, she knows a lot of security and when I try to explain it to her? She gets up and remarks, "That is just an excuse". And because, like the victims who have no real physical evidence of the abuse remark, I too cannot show the physical, I am denied as well. So often there is punishment instead of much needed support, sadly. BUT, at least we have each other to reach out to who do know, it is far from just and excuse.

Open Eyes