Irreplaceable, I don't think it's right that you're gender-generalizing a behavior.

In my relationship I'm more like the BDP partner (though w/out the dx) and he's like the stable partner. Also I am more likely to be pushy about being intimate, whereas my boyfriend will shy away from it.

BDP have you guys ever thought of using a safe word to help you guys defuse friction? If at any time either of you become uncomfortable in a conversation, you would say the safe word. Then perhaps go into separate rooms where you give each other 30 minutes to cool down. After the 30 minutes you can attempt to converse again, or say the safe word for more time.