Quote:
Originally Posted by costello
Here and really tired even though I'm sleeping well. I think I'm still sick with whatever it was I had last week. I have a cough and a sore throat.
I wish it were that simple. He wants to move out. He wants his own place, friends, and a gf. I think he's really scared that he'll isolate and start drinking and forget to eat or take his meds. In other words, I don't think he was trying manipulate me so much as he was telling me what he's scared of. And, honestly, I'm scared of those things too, because in the past that's exactly what he's done. I wish we could do some small transition to his own place. Like maybe a room in some nice retired lady's home. Or a place he stayed at for half the week and came home for half the week. I don't see it happening, though. So we're looking at a cold impersonal apartment complex. Probably poorly constructed with a drug user across the hall. One apartment he lived in had such bad accoustics. There were random noises and voices that seemed to come from no where. It played hell with his head.
I give him some structure. I remind him to eat, brush his teeth, take his meds. Not that he needs reminding of those things most of the time, but he starts getting into a state where things are falling apart and he needs a bit of a push to get back on track.
I also give him someone sane to talk to. He tends to isolate. And when he does find people to hang out with, they're losers. They're people who know he has a car and a small income from disability, and they move in to his world and leech off him. They don't help him keep his head together. They actively work to pull him apart, so they can pick at the carcass. I don't know how these people live with themselves. I hope there's a warm little corner in hell for them.
Also, I suspect he may resent me on some level. He's way more dependent on me than any 27 year old wants to be on their mom. And then I suspect he feels bad for resenting me, because I'm being so damned nice to him.  Don't you just hate it when someone is irritating you, but they won't give you a good excuse to cream them?  |
I'm glad that I am wrong in me saying that your son is manipulative. Clearly there is more to the picture than what you had posted.
I know for me, structure is very important and I see that you offer that for your son. I also understand you wanting to protect him from people who will take advantage of him. But something has got to give so either it's you or him 'cause the status quo isn't working. I understand his frustration and rightly so as I mirror them. But just because I'm frustrated with myself or life doesn't give me the right to make everyone else miserable. Same goes for your son. I guess with age I've learned to pick and choose my battles, especially how much energy I want to expend. I have it good here and if it weren't for who I live with I'd probably be starving or end up in some god-awful place. So I am medicated and grateful although I do hate my meds. I guess your son somehow needs to realize that you're not the enemy and are there to help him not hurt him. So the million dollar question is how do you make him realize? The answer is never stop believing you can make a difference because just by being there you already are. Be there, but know you don't have to put up with emotional abuse.