So yesterday I was fired from my job of 4 1/2 years. Oddly enough I have been energized. When I got home after being fired I cleaned my car and dove into laundry. I feel more awake and more active but think it is from anxiety. While looking for jobs I became a little depressed, I have been working on getting my associates degree which has been somewhat of a struggle because of fall episodes. So it made me frustrated when seeing great jobs that require an associates or bachelors degree. I feel behind at age 31.

The other thing is I have to start over at another job. I miss the people I work with already. Granted most of them have been texting me all day but I feel kind of like a failure at times. I know I shouldn't because stuff happens. It is all a lesson learned. I can't help sometimes feeling really down about this. I feel like if it was not for the episodes work would not have been so complicated to begin with.

I'm glad I had my meds back 2 weeks ago because I wonder just how bad it would have effected me if I did not. I really hate a lot of things. At the same time I feel kind of renewed but it is really scary.

It just feels like a lot of emotions all at once. Feel a little lost but found at the same time.

I have bills to pay which the unemployment should be able to cover till I find a job. But what happens in 30 days? How will I afford my meds if I don't find another job with insurance?

How will i cope with missing the people?

What about college?

ack so many unknowns it's so aggravating!

have to tell myself one thing at a time i guess

grrrrrrrrr