Hi Star20,

Personally, I'm a big fan of seeing a counselor before becoming wed, despite my lack of religious beliefs. I just think that it's important to be starting out on the same page, with a clear understanding of what the other person's expectations, plans, and hopes are. To me, the counseling is a given.

IMO you really need to talk about this disturbing trend that you've noticed, while you're in the counseling. I assume that they'd recommend delaying the wedding until you both do feel more emotionally connected and ready to take the next step. But bringing up the feuds in counseling is a little safer than at home, and kind of a little test to see how he will react when his negative behavior is brought up. This interaction could wake him up and cause some changes ~ or it could bring out some real ugly tendencies that he holds onto. Kind of a scary thought, I know. But it's also much better to know now rather than in another 5 years with children you've had together.

In my experience, true love doesn't equal fighting. Occasional arguments, yes. Maybe small resentment on certain issues even. But not regular fights. It's NOT healthy. I think that you need to get out of the relationship now. I do wish you the very best of luck though...take care!