Hi all. Just needed some support and/or advice and didn't know where else to turn. My best friend (my only real friend) and I both suffer from depression, anxiety, ptsd, and a host of other issues. We are very similar in our struggles but not so much in the way we've handled them throughout our lives. (we've only become friends in the past year or so).

Anyway when I am at a low point and struggling she's always there to help me back up. She pulls out of me stuff even when I don't feel like talking and it always ends up being a good thing. In fact, she's somewhat relentless if she knows I'm struggling. One weekend when I was at my lowest point she practically moved into my apartment and wouldn't leave even when I told her to. And really, I'm glad she didn't.

However, when SHE is the one struggling, she shuts me out. She won't answer my calls. All I get in a text is "I'm taking benzo's and going to bed.") Don't get me wrong, she's shared with me a ton about her problems but just not when she needs to the most. When she's really down she doesn't give me the opportunity to help her. And I know it's not about me, it's about her- but it makes me a little mad and sometimes I want to say "fine, you don't share anything with me when your upset, I'm just going to shut down with you when I'm upset." I know that sounds childish but that's how I feel. Like it's unfair. I want to help her, I want to be there for her, and she won't let me. Most times she won't let anyone.

So I am co-dependent and I get frustrated and hurt and angry and spend most of my time WORRYING until she comes through it. (which can be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.) I mean, I told her I was worried about her. I left a message to please call me. and all I get in return is a message saying she's not doing well and she's taking benzo's and going to bed?? Am I being totally selfish for being upset by this?

Any thoughts would be appreciated
Thanks.