Quote:
Originally Posted by CWC3
I was trying to start writing a short paper due tomorrow for one of my college classes when I suddenly flashed to this really negative thought/memory, and then I just started getting a bunch of negative thoughts about myself. I started getting the feeling like I do before I get stuck in my head and start emotionally spiraling....
It usually doesn't end well :/. I don't self-harm physically, but emotionally I end up submitting to my thoughts and throwing myself off cliffs and into brick walls at full force. I'm afraid that I won't be able to control it again tonight, because fighting it is just too hard sometimes. I've decided to give myself a break and just be okay with not getting my paper done tonight since if I were to push forward I would 100% get stuck for sure... These feelings feed off my force that tries to push them out anyways.
I've been talking about self-compassion in T, but I really don't know what to actually DO at these moments to stop beating myself up, when I'm not 100% in control of the random thoughts sprinting throughout my head.
How do I gain control? I was hoping to get some suggestions so I know how to combat this better in the future. I don't like being scared of losing to my own thoughts :/.
Thanks,
--CHANGEwillcome
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Yes, Last year was the last straw with this really scary cycle - found a T from internet nearby (and liked her person), been going a few months, and given an SSRI, Citalopram (Celexa).
This makes my mind 'noise' almost stop, and another layer come up. Felt anxious a long while, but slowly 'unwinding' (hopefully!)
After enduring the side effects (understanding them also), and stabilising the dose now finally at 30mg/d (7 months), I am feeling much more aware (also started CBT) of my 'self-sabotage.
I recognise this in your reaction to the writing of the short paper - I have this overwhelming self-attack also when applying for a job, even handing in a paper of any kind -what if???!!! and spiral negatively downhill, . . . .
Meds seem to be helping to slow this powerful 'habit', and the CBT is helping me become aware of the cause / effect cycle happening.
See if you can't get some help with this.
