I can't take it any more...I used to be so positive, and up beat...Now, I just want to die...

I had a dream this morning at 4:15am that woke me up now I can't get back to sleep. It's now 5:49am...and I'm just finishing this post.

I was hospitalized 3 times already, twice by ambulance and once by police car in less than a 90 day period.

I lost everything that I have ever worked for and now I want to just do myself in. Yet, I don't have the guts to do it.

I struggle with getting out of bed in the morning for months, I suffer with intense deep, dark, heavy depression and basically DON'T want to live...any more.


I know this sounds horrible and lame, but I just walk around the house all day, I don't step out of the house for days on end, or leave my bed room.

I just lay around from the chair, couch then back to bed...my mind is constantly thinking of why I thought of killing my self last year which lead to losting everything.

I mean everything!!!

Now i have to rebuild my life from scratch...I so much want to die. (Sorry for saying it but that's just how i feel right now.)

For me, I just feel that life is NOT worth living!

I'm also sorry for being such a huge downer...that's just how i FEEL.

I CAN'T EVEN CRY EVEN IF i WANTED TOO