Which one? I met my wife when I was a sophomore at college and she was a freshman. I was a member of the campus honors society and we had a picnic to welcome the incoming freshman. We met there and I thought, hmm, another freshman, and went back to talking to someone else. A few months later I broke up with my girlfriend back home and she was right there pursuing me. Obviously, since she's my wife, she caught me. No dx at that time.

The girlfriend from my recent disastrous affair was a different story. We met when we were both members of a local volunteer fire department before I went full-time professional. We drifted from being coworkers to close friends to lovers without really noticing what was happening. I eventually broke it off because of my wife and kids and she moved away. 13 years later I found her in an internet search while my marriage was at a bad place and we picked up where we left off. We were very serious this time, we both left our partners to live together, we met each other's families, we were shopping for wedding rings for as soon as my divorce was final, and we were planning our dream wedding. Then it all blew up.

My wife is still there, although very cautious. She still supports me with my psych care and therapy. We still talk most days and see each other a couple of times a week, but she's still understandably careful. I hurt her bad, and she doesn't want to be hurt again. That she's there at all is some kind of testimony to the person she is inside, despite all the outward things she says and does that made me want to leave her. She is able to be much more objective about my bp and other diagnoses than I am, since I'm the one in the middle of it, so I really value her help with my pdoc. We are still living apart and just filed paperwork for a legal separation, but are both cautiously optimistic that we can put this marriage back together if we (meaning mostly me) are willing to give it enough time and work and patience.