I've been sexually abused and harrased and recently I met this guy. He's very considerate, he doesn't take anything for granted and really asked me for permission for this and that. I didn't tell him anything, though I mentioned not being a virgin and I actually behave like one, you know, ashamed, reluctant, anxious. It's so bloody stressful, especially that I turned out to be submissive. I let him hold my hands above my head and crush my wrists and do some squeezing. I do have bruises but it was all consentual. My feelings are all over the place. He would hate me if he knew. He would think he reminded me of the abusers. I feel bad for letting him spank me cos my parents abused me physically. So I don't really deserve a nice guy.