I had suffered up and down's through my teenage years. My dad was very controlling and overprotective so I chose to run away from home and get involved with shady activities so I had just chalked up my wild behavior as a "rebellious stage"

Later in my 20's I became involved with a man that used to tell me "he loved me but wasn't IN LOVE with me" which helped me beat myself up and cause me to believe I wasn't good enough. I suffered with self-esteem issues all my life and this was just an amplification of it. Add drinking to the mix and a trip to the psychiatrist I was on the road to many hospitalizations.

I used to blame a lot of people for my diagnosis, like my ex boyfriend who made me feel inferior, or the psychiatrist who just passed me pills in an effort to shut me up because I was just crying hysterically in his office. I soon came to realize, later in life, that this has always been with me. The self-esteem issues, lack of drive and will power. spending money habits, depression and even mania. They were apparent in all aspects of my life, I just never put a label to it.

Thank you for posting this topic, it feels good to reflect and see how far I've come. Hope your journey through this illness is as calm as mine has been the past few years.

Good luck!