Yeah in the morning when I read all the responses I was little offended, I mean my problem is psychological and real and I am sharing something really personal. Maybe it is not phrased well but in the answers people are trying to make me believe that what I feel is normal! Well it might be for some other people. For me this is a real issue not a teenager's drama as it turns out. What I mean is that you might be thinking that I am looking for comfort and support for my believe system, what I am saying is - this is no my believe system, this is wrong and against myself, help me set myself free. I really really appreciate the very good answers, but those were the answers I was giving to myself ten years ago. My problem again is not what society expects, it is in the walls around me, and the limitations and fears.

Also the definition of disorder is: lasting for long periods of time and preventing a person from leading a normal life. Normal life in our case would be - life that we want or any life would better then no life. That is why all the comparing.

Damn, I know I sound harsh I don't mean to, but my defenses are down at the moment and I become this absolutely arrogant *****
Please don't hate me I just tend to behave self destructively. I guess I just get angry cause no one can help me, not you problem though!