I feel ugly, weird looking and fat
I'm 32, I'm always single
It's been raining and cold for too long and it's making me depressed
I'm broke and I can't buy myself nice things
I'm not truly good at anything and I feel like I wasted my life
I owe the IRS, doctors, credit card companies and student loan lenders money and I can't make a dent because I make very little money
I don't know what my living situation is going to be in September
I have terrible insomnia (not only due to depression)
I am always sick or have health problems
My cat got sick because I left her in my mom's care and I had to put her down and I feel terrible about it, like I failed her, and I want to kill myself when I think about it
I'm becoming increasingly bitter and I can't hide it no matter how hard I try
I have no close family
I have a lot of casual friends but no one to talk to
I can't use drugs or alcohol to escape because I become physically ill (PLEASE DO NOT LECTURE ME for this, I don't want to hear it)
My childhood was horrible and I can't go back and change it
My 20's are gone forever
I have tattoos I hate and have been trying to remove and I can't afford it and now I have scars
I can't find a good therapist in my area although I live in NYC and have a good health plan
I hate my name and give people a fake last name because I hate it so much
I hate children and I don't want to be around them, but I don't want to be that way
I hate Republicans and what they're doing to this country
I hate that I don't have a husband to fall back on and take care of me and be my best friend

And the worst part is everyone is always telling me to "be positive" and not be so angry and negative all the time. I try so hard, but I am completely and hopelessly overwhelmed. And I hide everything because I don't want anyone to know how truly unhappy I am.

If anyone can relate to this.. well, then I feel very badly for you, because I have no idea how I'm still here and how I've gone on like this for so long.

PLEASE, NO LECTURES OR TALK ABOUT FINDING GOD. I'm an atheist and nothing is going to change that. I always have been and always will be. My problem isn't lack of religion, it's that my life sucks, plain and simple. Please preach somewhere else, I'm not here for that.

Thanks for listening.