(((Mortimer)))),

You have to realize that when this started you didn't really understand it like you do now. The same thing happened to me, my brother overpowered me when I was VERY young and I was always afraid of him. I felt that I was safer if I was useful to him somehow, even that he would protect me in a way. I was very confused by it too mortimer. This can continue on because it had already been done from an early age and the real meaning of it is overlooked.

All children really understand is that it feels good and while they know it has something to do with what grownups do they dont see how it will make them feel guilty later on. However they do have trepedations about it. And the combination of the fact that it also includes being somehow needed or involves getting attention or some kind of appreciation.

We are designed by nature to seek attention and appreciation from other human beings, even make connections because as a species we need that to survive, we literally always pretty much survived in groups.

Believe it or not, this happens quite a bit with children and unless a parent experienced this themselves they don't think children will actually do this on their own. But children DO discover themselves and something feels good and they do practice it, and it is very normal really. We are designed to have this so we are drawn into reproducing, so it is not an ugly bad thing, it is nature, natural. In fact ages ago it was encouraged with the thought that by having sisters and brothers marry the family line would be stronger, however all it really did was to create deformaties. The egyptians did this constantly, so did other royal families over the centuries.

amity is right, your parents didn't direct you and your brother in how this is wrong and why, they ignored it which was wrong of them. This happens more than we know and many simply hide it and choose to not discuss it later in life. And the other thing is that children are designed to imitate their parents, they begin to hear and somehow know that parents do things together and so they want to see/explore what that is all about as well. At the time they do not know what rape and molestation means, even that they are crossing boundaries and may suffer psychologically down the road. A lot of it is innocent that can start at an early age and yes, continue into high school years.

mortimer, we are designed to be sexual beings, we really are. You cannot hate yourself for simply being human. Okay, so now you realize that it was not the right behavior for you or your brother, but then you didn't truely see that like you do now, because you also explored early on as well, it just seemed harmless in a way. But understand that you are amongst MANY that experience this so you are not out on some island as being subhuman or evil somehow, actually that island is really pretty crowded.

You deserve to experience your body on your own now, understand that your body is NORMAL with NORMAL desires that are designed so that you can produce children and connect with a mate of your own and maintain a family unit. That is truely what we are designed to do. Take a nice shower and in your mind wash your body of the past and tell yourself that now you are a grown woman and know better. Your body is not guilty of anything.

((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes