My Support Forums - View Single Post - stressing

lynn09 · May 03, 2012, 03:07 PM

Good advice, Stoda.

doggiedo, the feelings you are describing about these upcoming events sound a lot like anticipatory performance anxiety - stage fright. In other words, that the spotlight is going to be focused on you by others for the purpose of judging you.

Basically, most of us with anxiety feel we are being judged in just about every situation - feel very exposed and vulnerable. It's our self-doubts, usually instilled early on by hypercritical, judgmental parents and others who teach us to judge ourselves too harshly, that we fear will take center stage - all our secret flaws and failings on display.

We learn to judge ourselves according to what we see in the "psyche mirror" - how we think others are "seeing" us - what we interpret in their eyes as the reflection of who we are. Sometimes, you have to overcompensate a bit to break that mindset - have to move your perspective almost to the opposite pole so that you are focused mainly on those around you. Learn to use your anxiety as a means of recognizing it in others, empathizing with them, helping them to be more comfortable and relaxed so they don't feel like they're under the microscope.

Realize that most human beings suffer from this anxiety to some degree - especially kids - especially teens. Look into their faces and eyes - do you recognize that look? Perhaps that look that isn't judging you, but is afraid that you are judging them? Are others hiding their anxiety and vulnerability behind a facade of bravado, indifference, hostility? You are already skilled at this since you have dogs - you know that you can interpret their feelings and needs on an empathetic level without the use of language.

This is the power of empathy - that our own needs teach and tell us what others feel, fear, need - and when we are able to give others what they need to alleviate their similar discomforts, we obtain power over our own.

Enjoy your weekend. lynn09