Hello. I'm new to the site but not new to feeling depressed unfortunately. I went through some depression back in 2008, lasted a good few months and for the most part hasn't returned until earlier this week. I was in school at the time and saw a therapist there which helped a bit I think but am not sure I necessarily need one again. I think I really just need to write my thoughts/emotions down somewhere so that's what I'm doing.

The worst part is I have no idea why I'm depressed. When I think about it I can't figure it out. My life is pretty good, there's not really much to complain about yet I can't knock this feeling. Sometimes I feel it in my head, other times in the pit of my stomach and all I can think about when that happens is how much I hate the way I'm feeling and would love to just end it all.

When I first felt this way back in 2008 the only thing that kept me from actually causing myself any harm was the fact that I felt like it would literally kill my mom if I did, and I couldn't do that to her. She's basically the only thing that kept me alive and she didn't even know it. I can't tell her how I'm feeling because I don't think she'd understand and it would only make her upset. I'd talk to my dad about it first but I would prefer not to do that either. Thus why I'm here; anonymous support.

When I first felt this way this time around I went to the gym in hopes that some exercise was all I needed. It did help, but only temporarily. Was wondering if anyone else had any tips? Last time I joined a live chat group that really helped a bunch. I plan on doing that again but I need to post four more times after this before I can apparently!!

I just hate the fact that I can't identify what is making me feel this way. I think it would be a lot easier to cope with or even fix if I could point at an aspect of my life and be like "that's what's getting me down, lets do something about it" but instead it's just a random feeling that I can't seem to knock.

I suppose that's all I have to say for now. Thanks in advance for the support.