I'm so sorry you went through that. My wife used to cut herself too. She still has times she's tempted to. Her brother molested her and her mother blamed my wife. The sent my wife to a lockdown too. She was terrified for years after we got married that I would send her to one. It always surprised me when she voiced that fear because it never occurred to me to do that. My understanding, and I could be wrong, is that cutting yourself is a way to control the pain. Is that true? If so, what is it that is causing you pain?