Yes, I feel as if I am one heaping pile of trash. I'm sitting here alone at my house pondering such questions as "Why am I here?" and "What good is me being here?". The thought of being a very unattactive guy with the smarts of a goldfish leads me to believe that I am destined to be alone unless I settle for a girl who is just out for my money (Of which I have none as well I am poor). I feel so lonely these days and I am yearning for physical contact with other human beings and the soft touch of a girl I am in love with. Is wanting a hug too much to ask? I just want to be loved and cared for by someone. These feelings on being alone are sumed up in a song by Blink 182 called "Story Of A Lonely Guy" if your interested you'll have no problem finding it to download. It hurts so much so that to take the pain of life away I have resorted to cutting. Although recently I devised a plan so that I wouldn't be cutting. I think it's less harmful to my body. So what I do now instead of that is punch my arms (They generally bruise badly) and that way I avoid nerve damage... I think. I wish there was another way so that I didn't feel motivated to harm myself but I haven't found it. This past week I almost went and commited myself to the hospital. I'm not sure why though because I hate hospitals and they try to put you on all kinds of drugs that mess you up. To answer people's questions out there I am not seeking any professional help at the present time. If I wanted to waste my time talking would waste it on a friend. Thoughts of suicide flood my mind constantly and it's bearble sometimes but others I just want to scream in agony. I have dreams about killing myself and when I wake up I realize that it was all a dream and I had failed, I couldn't do it in real life like I did in the dreams. The disapointment of realizing that I have to still live out that day is incredibly saddening. It's time to die. Kill me please God.