Thanks so much for posting this KJ! But I'm so sorry you are having a hard time.
I really understand that self hate.
It is no fun, and it sounds like you are depressed. I know it doesn't take away those bad feelings, but for what it is worth I find you to be a very kind and caring person through your posts on here! I also understand that it is really hard at any age, and especially as a teen I think, to reach out and get help in real life! I hope you will be patient and kind with yourself, I trust it will happen in time. Take good care KJ!
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dailyhealing
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.