Really struggling at the moment in some ways.. although doing really well in others so just conflicted at the moment.

I am a social work student and about to start my final placement and there has been so much drama! My last placement I didn't really get to do a lot of direct practice - more research and theory - and so really need to practice it this time. I find direct practice hard at times but can do it well when pushed and so need a good placement so that I can build confidence. Everyone else believes I can do it but I sometimes struggle with the confidence myself. I have done so well - I stood up for what I needed, made all the phone calls (I used to hate phones and still can feel my heart in my throat when talking to people for the first time), and tried to sort it all out. But my placement co-ordinator has been a nightmare. She keeps trying to send me 2 hours away (I travelled for my last placement so can't do that again) and has also put me with a government organisation that has such a rigid structure that I could not do anything independently to practice my communication and assessment skills. Everything I said I didn't need in a placement!

I know it might not sound like much but it is really affecting me. My last placement was a disaster and I really struggled with it and this one is turning out the same way. I really believe that I could be good at this with practice and everyone around me believes it to, I just lack the confidence and for me I need someone to give me a role and then give me the space and independence to do it - I don't cope with someone over my shoulder the whole time. I gave them the names of 5 places that could offer that in my local area and she still couldn't organise it. And under uni policy I can't organise it on my own.

Ugh - it is just making me want to give up. I really put myself out there, telling her my insecurities and admitting where I fall short (hard for me as a perfectionist!) so that I could get the placement I needed, not just the one that was easy for me, and it still isn't working out.

I can do this placement and it would be easy but it's not fair - on me or potential clients. What happens next year when I graduate and am meant to be completely independent in my work but haven't had the chance to practice 1/2 the job? How am I meant to cope? And what about any poor clients that I need to work with?

Ugh....