You feel ashamed/guilty for leaving? It must have been quite a painful situation to be in. It's not surprising those emotions and memories came to surface for you, plus the feelings of guilt for not staying with your mother at her time of death. Do you honestly think she would blame you for leaving? or that she would think any less of you? why do you think less of yourself? It sounds, to me, as if you were dealing with your responses as best as you could at that time. You're being quite tough on yourself if you begin to compare situations - the regrets you have and the thoughts of things you think you should have done or think you should have been capable of. It is what it is! no judgment necessary. Also, not being able to handle the situation does not necessarily mean that you an uncaring person or love less.

It's okay to make 'mistakes'. Everyone does make mistakes so give yourself permission to make them and try not to judge yourself too harshly for them - it's perfectly okay! Forgive yourself! Big hugs to you. Remember to give yourself space to fully grieve xx