Thread: it's not fair
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Old May 04, 2012, 09:45 AM
faerie_moon_x's Avatar
faerie_moon_x faerie_moon_x is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2011
Location: I live in my head. :P
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I can tell you from experience that just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you won't be lonely. I've come to realize loneliness is a state of mind rather than being in the presence of others. You can be sitting right next to someone holding their hand and still feel 100% alone.

Fixated is completely right that being in a relationship is not the end all be all of life. What is far more importnat is to be happy with who you are, where you are going, what successes you have made, and that you feel that you're life has meaning. Being strong within yourself, by yourself, is a great accomplishment.

Another thing to consider is that I think we rush relationships in this life. When I was 20 I got married to someone just because he was interested in me and I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I thought that it was better to just be married to someone who wanted to be with me even though I didn't want to be with him, because I felt that "I will never find someone that I love that will love me back." (A guy I was really in love wtih had just broke up with me right before I met my ex.)

Anyway.... it was aweful to marry someone I didn't love. I married him and dropped out of college because "I was married." Then, we had a son together. So not only was I a horrible, horrible person for marrying someone I didn't love, I then had a child with someone I didn't love! I can tell you Karma is getting me now.

The other thing to consider is there are multiple studies that show Facebook is making people depressed. I totally believe it. You log on and see all these happy announcements and pictures of vacations and new babies and weddings. People tend to think, "Wow, my life is really boring and sucks." Or like in my case, so many times I make a comment on Facebook, and no one comments back or pushes like, and it makes me wonder why everyone is ignoring me. (Which is probably not true, they probably didn't see it.) So not only does Facebook make you think all the people around you have great lives, it also can make you feel alone among your friends...

My advice is to not go on Facebook very much (I only look 1 time a day just for anything interesting, which usually there isn't.) Then instead go out in the world and do fun things for you. Even if you go by yourself. Try to strike up conversations with people (this takes practice,) and just live a life that is fulfilling without focusing on being in a relationship. Take lots of pictures of the fun things you do and post them for your friends to see. Because being in a relationship isn't the only happy news you can share.
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Thanks for this!
Seshat