I think your wife has some sort of communication block, a major communication issue.

Let's take me for example. I am terrible at asking for help. When I was a teen and young adult I was having major issues with my mental illness, but whenever and wherever I asked for help I was blown off. It has a big effect on me in that it makes me anxious and uncomfortable to ask for help, because I think no one will care. So, I tend to bottle things up. That's bad and I know I do it, so that's my issue. But I have to realize it is my issue and communicate. I can't just get mad at people for not reading my mind.

Also sending you mixed messages is wrong. Some people like to play games. Like, maybe they are upset, but really not as upset as all that. Or she just really wants your attention but isn't thinking about how you may be feeling at this time. Or, maybe because she never communicated her unhappiness, and now it's out in the open she isn't sure what to do, because she is still attached to you emotionally and worried about your reaction. I think it is selfish to send mixed messages, but at the same time maybe she is confused. Either way, games or confused, you need to bring up this behavior to the marriage councelor and get to the bottom of it.

Marriage counceling only works if both parties are really serious about fixing the issues.