I know love is not perfect but hard work. She leaves half glasses of water all over my house and took over my master bedroom bathroom and I got pushed into my guest bathroom. But, I loved doing that because those glasses lying around were a part of her. The tanning cream, de-frizzer, curling iron, hair dryer, and 6 different hair products are also part of her. We eat in front of the TV and she will use my laptop keyboard as a place to set her dinner plate. One spill and she could fry the thing out, but I dont care. I am happy to have a lovely woman there to take care of. Its only a laptop, it can be fixed. I am learning its a lot harder to mend a broken heart. And she doesnt live with me either. I just dont know what do to.

I have spent my whole life protecting myself from pain that I blocked out love as well. I am trying to retrain that, but I am not sure if I started to late. I only started seeking help when I first started dating her. I have known for a long time that I needed help. When I met her and saw what might happen I couldnt get to a therapist fast enough. I am very scared of being hurt and because of that I am insecure.

I guess you could equate it to learning to walk. I can spend my life holding on to stuff or take a walk with someone. Just recently I have started to let my emotions out and have been able to cry for the first time in @ 25 years. There are so many factors involved that I get totally bent out of shape about it. I wrote her a long letter explaining how I feel. I want her with me as I work through this tough time. The choice is up to her now. Time will tell. Thanks.