Thanks, I know there isn't much one can say about this. I just needed to vent, I am so weary of this process. They had plenty of time to get these depositions done and out of my way, and they CAN settle this and MY A**HOLE NEIGHBOR should just tell the truth instead of allowing this to go on and on. They KNOW their fence was malfuntioning and THEY KNOW THEIR DOG WAS OVER BY MY HORSES. This is not a mishap accident THIS IS OUT RIGHT NEGLIGENCE. They purposely let that Akida,pitbull, boxer lose at night while I was sleeping because they were TOO DAM LAZY TO FIX THEIR CONTAINMENT SYSTEM AND TOO LAZY TO PUT A LEASH ON THE DOG AND WALK IT.

I am also angry with my own attorney for dropping the ball last year and not paying attention. Yes, I could report him, but to be honest, I didn't have it last year. I honestly didn't have the ability to afford breaking down and not being able to work at all. And anyone who has PTSD knows how difficult conflict is, well, I just didn't have it in me, I needed to focus on therapy and getting a handle on this dam crippling disorder.

Honestly what I want to do is get together with the female opposing attorney and my attorney and address them as human beings in how ABUSIVE AND IRRESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEINGS THEY ARE to allow this to go on and on like this. But I am supposed to sit and just take it and continue to PLAY THEIR ABUSIVE GAME. That what it really is you know. They don't care about the fact that I am a human being who has severe losses because of some A**holes negligence. They just are making their money off of my case, and misery, including my own attorney, what does HE REALLY CARE, because if he did, he would not have forgotten all those depositons like he did. Oh, but what will happen is MY attorney will get mad that I embarrassed him in front of the other attorney and the other attorney will think I am nuts. That is when it would be nice to have some kind of scan like they DO have now to show them MY BRAIN.

No, I didn't include the psychological damage in my suit because my attorney told me that my neighbor would have access to my file that mentions CSA. That isn't right either, how does his negligence give him the right to intrude on me even more? Honestly I still can't believe my attorney is right on that one, but I can't find whether he is right or not anywhere in my online searches. One would think that he would be prevented from knowing that information. If I ever do find out my attorney advised me wrong on that there will be hell for him to pay.

Oh, I talk to myself all the time, everytime I pass my neighbor in his truck on the way to therapy, wow no matter when I leave 9 times out of 10 I end up passing him, in the middle of the afternoon?, how creepy that is, and triggery too. I try to tell myself that "I" am in his face as a constant reminder. But it doesn't seem to work so well, I get triggered and angry and I just want to smash into him sometimes. Ofcourse I am a non violent person and would never harm anyone.

Well, it is just nice to have some place to vent where others can relate. I know I would be much better if I wasn't stuck in this constant request to have to keep remembering and know that at any time I could get a letter or a phone call about me having to do another deposition. And I know that it is a game just to wear me out, that is wrong, that is ABUSE. And for me, it is injuring my brain, I can feel it. And though I try so hard to overcome it, my brain just shuts down. It is like this black screen comes down and I cant push my way through it, and I know somehow my brain is trying to protect itself from the pain of trying to remember so many awful things I had to deal with and see in my nice little ponies that were so loving and good. They were like my children you know, years of working and training them and bonding with them. And I still have ones I am taking care of everyday. My white pony looks awful, lost all his muscle, I can't work him with his damage.

Open Eyes