I feel calm and relaxed, but kind of sub par. I've been very tired lately, and it's been hard for me to focus even though I have exams coming up. I talked to a few people who live in my building for the first time in more than a month two days ago and it made me realize yet again how introverted I am. I just don't want to talk to anyone. I haven't this whole week. I'm supposed to see a guy tomorrow, but I haven't called him and he hasn't called me and I just don't care enough to initiate an outing I didn't really want to have in the first place.

I'm going home soon, and looking forward to it, but I know I'll feel obliged to put on a happy face and pretend that this was the greatest experience I've ever had even though quite honestly, I was about as close to depression as I hope I ever come in the first few months. On the whole, studying abroad in Ireland has been good. It really helped me gain a new perspective on my life, and I don't regret being here. But sometimes I just can't stand my own personality. I limit myself and I have no confidence in my own abilities. I think if I'd had the confidence, this could have been an even better experience, but there's no use in thinking about it.

This got negative fast...but really, I'm not unhappy. I'm just tired and there's a lot running through my head.