It hasn't even been 3 weeks yet since our T had to leave for the 3rd time for her family emergency thing she has to take care of...and it feels like SO much longer
She doesn't know when she will be home, still has no idea. It all depends how her sick family member does. 1st time she was gone 8 months, 2nd time 3 weeks. This time its just unknown, and she doesn't REALLY need to be back around here until August for a different family event. I dont know how in the world we would make it til August.
We have chatted on skype a few times, and that helps-- its certainly better than nothing. We are certainly very lucky to be able to chat on Skype. Even T said, we're both very lucky to be able to still be part of each others lives.
But I feel like we are sinking SO fast
I try so hard to keep busy and distracted. But it doesn't change what's going on INSIDE. Does that make sense? Like I can be busy, read like crazy, watch TV, go to church, do stuff... but I still have this constant anxiety and worry going on that I can't shut off-- and flashbacks and body memory stuff, and just all those different things going round and round.
T said last night that its painful for her to watch us disintegrate before her eyes.
But i dont know what to do about it. I keep so busy. We've done everything we can think of to do. And talking to T, trying to get to the bottom of all this trauma stuff.
But the hardest part of all is just not having T around when we need her, just having SOOOO much to talk about and its just not the same chatting on IM as having an in person session.
And there's no way to fix it, until she finally comes home--whenever that is.

im sorry for complaining... i just am so lonely and down, and tired of handling everything alone.