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darkpurplesecrets · May 05, 2012, 01:54 AM

((((LydiaB)))

Thank you for the questions and for caring. I have changed my user name before and then back as my name meant something to me and still they knew. I know they read from the outside and are watching. Leaving PC is not an option as I will not allow them to run me off and take yet another thing from me. I came here so afraid and resigned to die. I risked reaching out, terrified to be heard, terrified to tell anyone anything. It was a start and it saved my life.

Even though posting is hard to do and a risk, I know that completely shutting down would be even worse and give them even more power. The deeper I go the more the terror seems to grow. Knowing that we were never supposed to tell or even remember was a set-up from the start. But slowly we are beginning to risk a little more even to posting here. Sometimes it is hard to post what we feel because it is at times far away and often it feels as though reaching down from someplace above myself as the words somehow fill the screen but they are there.

I really appreciate you asking and I hope this makes sense or at least some. Words right now are hard to bring down from my head, sometimes as if they themselves are afraid to be known. I guess that if we never risk they win, and we would never know the possibility of healing. It is hard, but the alternative is dying alone with it all.

dps