So, how do you get over a relationship (meaning a friendship) that had abusive qualities about it.. that you weren't sure were "abusive" but, you miss the person and want to see them again? Why do I feel so abandoned and hurt and empty and why do I think of him when my self esteem is sort of low?

I remember- the same incident of many though, keep popping in my head-
He was singing the song by Kesha-Take it Off and going up my shirt and laughing and yeah. He was being silly as usual but, that was the beginning of some other things for a year.

for some reason I am being too sensitive about this I think.
or when he wouldn't be rough at all but, he would grab me by the arm or push/shove/pull me to tell me that I had to follow him or go wherever we we're suppose to go when I was with others and hanging out and didn't want to leave the room.

I am trying to write about whats effecting me the most in this moment- or at least the memories that are roaming through my head in this moment.

I just didn't like when he would talk about my body. Or compare me to other girls my age. A lot of this was in a joking format which confuses me. I guess I should of spoke up more in this friendship. I don't know if I knew how at the time. the names he called me keep floating through my head-*****, slut, *****- again, in a joking format usually. Ughhh. And I suppose he didn't have to kiss me but, I think he was doing that to figure out if he liked me more then a friend. Guys do this all the time I think. However, he didn't have to ask me to have sex in his car- that didn't happen- I was too angry when he asked this.

Any advice? I feel like I did something wrong in this friendship. I maybe could have found a way to speak up for myself better. I could have been less sensitive and emotional about things when talking to him. idk. All I know is it makes me so sad and the memories won't stop. I think he was a really nice person who didn't know how to maintain respect at some point because he became sooo comfortable around me- to being his 100% self--and I was the only person he felt like he could come too and talk too.