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((((Calista))))
Thank you hon. I appreciate your words and support. I am not sure where my strength comes to post or to write things out here. I do not feel strong at all but often like a coward hiding in the middle of the night trying to write when it seems words somehow come to life and most of the world is sleeping around us. It feels safest there writing in the silence. And even though the night is full of terror and fear, writing by candle light silently no one knows we are there and it is then that somehow we can bring those words down from within. Maybe because so much took place in the night when the world did not know, it is there where the memories make their way through those within and myself.
I think I disconnect from myself and just write, often not able to read what is written and at times trying not to push delete instead of post. But it feels as though I am reaching down from above when I write, as if I cannot be close to the words. I often feel this even when just writing as if I need to be far away. Writing has always been a way out for us and even though writing was used as a punishment growing up it has been something that we find safest most times and often the only way we can say anything even if no one ever sees it. We learned to stay alert in the night and always somehow keep one eye open always looking and keeping guard.
Maybe our words become alive in the night because that is where they were real and so much was hidden there that, at times it is the only time we can truly write as the light of day seems too open and the world around us too close. I am not sure but I know that when the day begins to end and the darkness shows itself, we often write, maybe writing to get away for it seems so often we are still right there. Maybe writing so someone knows we are here because so often it feels we are living in a dream and we are going to wake up still there living in the nightmare. Somehow hoping that these words stay there in that dream, the dream of a little girl finding safety somewhere----where we are not alone and someone cares and knows.
dps
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