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I may not have read everything correctly or completely, but this is just something I thought I'd mention that helped me (also female, early 20's). Have you analyzed whether there is a difference in your reactions to sex if the other initiates it versus if you initiate it? Don't know if that has anything to do with what you're dealing with or not, but I figured I'd throw it out there anyway. Reason being: I'm completely disgusted with the thought of and feel extremely violated by sex with guys, unless I am the one who initiates it. (and I mean concerning everything, down to the very first flirt) It took me a very long time to realize this pattern and i was frustratingly confused for quite a while. (With women, I'm comfortable regardless of who initiates.) I must also add though, for validity's sake, that regardless, I prefer masterbation over sex with either gender, as it feels more natural to me and because I usually afterwards regret when I give someone else the opportunity because I usually end up feeling like they aren't as "worthy" as I thought before the sex happened. Sorry I rambled too much, just trying to give any info that might help.
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Thank you. Yes I have noticed I can't initiate, but I'm also very reluctant when they do and still feel violated. Usually I need alcohol and still I feel pretty bad afterwords. I think the other person being under the influence of alcohol also helps me to relax.