I know my situation is not the same as yours but there are a few things we have in common. I am not ex-military, but I was forced to take a disability retirement after 15 years as a firefighter/paramedic because of my bp and other psych diagnoses. Never got caught cutting on duty, but I had to clean up blood really fast a few times so I didn't. I don't take anyone with me to my T appointments because I think I'm being too personal and open to let anyone else hear what I have to say, but I try to always take someone to my pdoc appointments. That's usually my wife. Even though we are legally separated and living apart, she still does her best to take care of me with my psych stuff. I like to have her along because I have a hard time being objective about my symptoms since I'm the one in the middle of them and she can often see clearer than I can. I also have a lot of problems with my memory when it comes to my episodes, don't know if it's med side effects or the bp itself or whatever, but she can give my pdoc info that I wouldn't be able to because I can't remember it in the right order or just can't remember it at all.

SU thoughts are extremely difficult to explain to anyone. Do you think your mom would be willing to go to your pdoc with you and advocate for you if you can explain that you have no control over them, they're just there, and they're part of what you're seeking treatment to get better for? Depends a lot on the pdoc, but most of the ones I've seen are willing to take me more seriously instead of just blowing me off like I'm on a rant or poor-little-me trip or something if I have someone sitting there with me saying yes, that's how it is, and this is how I've seen him act and feel. I understand that talking about this with your mom might be very uncomfortable, but it might be worth it if it can get her there on your side.

I hope this works out for you. Remember that there are a lot of people here pulling for you and caring about you. Please keep letting us know how you are doing.