My biggest problem right now is that I just can't sleep no matter what I do. I've tried EVERYTHING, including yes hot baths, bananas, milk, melatonin, listening to relaxing music.. I just don't sleep. A few years ago I was at the point of drinking until I got drunk and at one point taking 5 Klonopins to get any sleep at all. It's been going on for years. I think he last time I got a good night's sleep was a few months ago. I was taking Trazodone, which is non-addictive, but one day it just stopped working. So now I take Xanax (if I don't take anything I won't sleep at all, I'll maybe fall asleep for ten minutes) and just now I took Adderall because the Xanax has been making me feel disoriented during the day. I am trying SO HARD to get to sleep without drugs and please believe me when I say it is IMPOSSIBLE. I don't want to take medications which is why I am not on antidepressants and try to focus on work, hobbies, biking and friends instead, but the sleep has to come one way or another.

My ultimate frustration is that yeah, I can't find a therapist who seems to take pride in their work, only one that seems to just want to get paid. I realize it's their job, but I can't deal with a therapist who is insensitive. The last one I went to began the conversation with asking me about my payment. Then she was very curt throughout and gave me such a bad impression I wanted to leave in the middle of our session.

I'm honestly not familiar with vocational therapy vs. traditional (psychologists or social workers) therapy. If you can give me some insight that would be great.

The past few months I've missed so many social events and I am losing interest in my current hobby, photography, because I just don't have the energy. It isn't helping that the sun literally hasn't shone in weeks. I feel like I'm dying piece by piece. I just don't know what the hell to do or where to begin.