First of all, everyone, I DO NOT want to be overmedicated. I NEVER said that. I simply want to find the med(s) that actually treat my illness. If that happens to be just one med, great. If it happens to be a 5 med combo, great. I just want to feel better. If the meds don't make me feel better, then I don't know why I'm even taking them. In fact, if my pdoc and I don't stumble upon something that actually works before the end of this summer, I will go off of meds entirely. That's how poorly what I'm currently on is working.

And Venus, I don't equate my education with my life. I'm saying that bipolar is threatening both my career and my life. *TRIGGER WARNING* If you've ever felt sui, you know that it is not over just one thing. When I'm sui, it's because I'm a failure of a human being, because I am invisible to most people, because I have lost the ability to appreciate life (anhedonia), because I will always have to put up with these damn mood swings, because everything is such an effort.... There never is just one reason why I'd end my life. And the mood swings, particularly the recurrent depressions, add to one another and erode my psyche like acid. Eventually, I'm just going to crumble, unless someone or something neutralizes the acid.

Roadie, I'm afraid I may end up having to do what you did. I would hate to though, because I love my pdoc otherwise. The man is a genius. After our first session, I felt understood by another human being for the first time in my life.

Willow, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you had to give up your dream of becoming a doctor, but you have a great attitude. I'm sure that you'll make a fantastic psychologist.

I really don't want to give up on my dreams. My pdoc assures me that he treats several bipolar physicians, so I know that it can be done. I just don't know if I can do it, and that scares me.

Thanks again, everyone. Sorry if any of this sounds a little harsh; I'm just angry. Not at you guys. At nothing.