Rainbow Rose, I want to try to answer your post but am having problems putting my thoughts into words that make sense. But, I will try....

Having feelings of love or attraction for our therapists are never wrong, regardless of gender. After all, look at what they do for us, and what they mean to us. I'm 58, f, my T is 40, m. In the six years I've been seeing him, I've felt feelings of friendship, agape love, sexual longing, girlish love, and just plain liking him as a person. He's helped me work through feelings of abandonment and disdain with my father, and hatred toward two uncles who SA me as a child. He's been the person I've called in a crisis when I've been suicidal or had thoughts of SI. My husband travels 20-25 days out of the month so I am alone a lot. When I see my T he makes me laugh and not feel so lonely for that hour.

With all that, he's represented many people, important people, in my life. So why shouldn't I have strong feelings for him? And if you've worked through important issues with your T, issues that have impacted your heart and soul, then it's totally natural that you would also have feelings of like or love or attraction. They're nothing to be ashamed of. That's what therapy is all about - working through with the therapist, in the therapeutic relationship, the knots and kinks we encounter in our relationships and in every day real life. And any therapist worth his/her diploma expects and welcomes this.

Are you comfortable enough with your T to talk to her about this? Could you put it in an email or letter? I guarantee you this is not something that will shock or surprise her. If you're not ready to address it with her yet, please just remember that it doesn't make you weird or abnormal. It's perfectly normal and an expected part of therapy when someone is as important to you as most therapists are to their clients.

Hope this helped, and that it makes sense. Hugs to you!