Thank you PlatinumHeart for your response

to bohogypsy, in relation to my feeling self-centered whenever I talk about something on my mind, opening up to others, it's because people, even if just in frustration, have mentioned it to me, and later would say it wasn't true, that they were just frustrated, but I wouldn't believe them. So I guess I take criticism to heart and I keep it there. Being called self-centered, uncaring, arrogant, stuff like that, even if it's not true and is just in frustration, those things stick in my brain that "oh they must be true." I also have the habit of calling myself a b!tch because my mom called me that out of her own frustration during arguments, but it just sticks in my head and won't go away, so I stay guarded and afraid of presenting like that in front of others, even if I"m not actually like that *sigh*

Also, please know I don't hate my mom, she's a good woman, we're both stubborn people, so we say things to each other that others would find beyond horrible, when it's just something we're used to, plus she's been through her own strife in life (not trying to rhyme, just didn't want to use curse words), so I don't want anyone thinking poorly of her for what I"ve been saying, but she's been the main one raising me since her and my dad divorced when I was 6 and I never saw him again after middle school, so a lot of examples come from her.