Thank you so much for this, I didn't take this as sounding like a lecture at all. I also really appreciate that for once, someone is acknowledging that yeah, I have a lot of s#!t going on instead of just telling me to "stay positive" and "smile." Like it's that frickin easy!! Anyway I will consider your approach, to take one thing at a time on the list. The biggest one is insomnia, because that is the root of most of my problems, including money. It has literally put my life on hold - I haven't been able to get or keep a good job because of it. It is also the hardest, because I've already tried herbal supplements and sleep hygiene and all that stuff, and I don't have the opportunity to take time off work and stay home and basically not sleep waiting for the effects of melatotnin to kick in over a few days / weeks. Also, I have roommates, and I worry about the impression I'd make and having to ask them to let me lie in my room and be quiet. I live in Brooklyn where everyone constantly parties, and I don't want to be that crotchety old lady. I've tried, btw, to explain this to my one roommate who is an old friend of mine but she doesn't seem to really care or have anything to say. Clearly I don't have a great support system.

This is also affecting my moods and obviously my relationships and I just can't seem to attract anyone worthwhile. I hung out with a guy earlier and I'd like to see him again, but I know he isn't interested, except as friends. I know it's because I bring people down even when trying to be perky and happy and let my sense of humor come through. I also took 10mg of Adderall so I wouldn't be sleepy and lethargic. I'm so sick of rejection. EVerything is such a mess.

Regarding getting in shape - since I live in Brooklyn, I walk or bike everywhere and I don't own a car. Remarkably, it doesn't tire me out enough to sleep well, even though I walk several miles a day (and am on my feel at work all day). I am in good physical shape, but the sleep thing and depression makes me feel like lying down and just dying sometimes. I don't even have energy to socialize most of the time.

Another thing I have to look forward to - I have to have endoscopic surgery on my sinuses because I have sinus disease and can't breathe through my nose. This is happening on May 21st and I am dearly hoping it is contributing to the insomnia and surgery will alleviate some of it.

I had a friend over last night who had planned on going to a party but got blown off by her friend, so she came over and brought food (and paid for all of it). So there's that. I don't know if she would have given me a call otherwise, but it was nice that she came over and hung out with me. But I don't want to saddle her with my problems, I feel like that's all I do. So I'm saddling this message board instead I guess. Haha. Anyway thank you so much for your kind words and advice.