I agree with Lostin; you ought to talk about this more with someone who will be supportive. You are not at all alone in this kind of fantasy. It is considered part of the BDSM scene, and you might check out that angle, too. You should feel free to express yourself sexually. First you need to ask yourself if you really want that kind of experience or if you like it fine just as a fantasy. This is something you might discuss with a therapist before jumping right into the community and trying it. The therapist suggestion is NOT because your fantasy is crazy, but just to work through your fantasy and discuss whether fulfilling it would fit into your lifestyle.