Harley, I wasn't worried that I'd angered or upset you, I just didn't want you to let him and his actions anger/upset you, that's all. That's what he wants, to anger and upset people. Mainly me... But it's just not happening, I've come way too far in the last two years, to let a BOY, not a man, bring me crashing back down into the pits of depression, way too far.
Lynn, thank you. I'll be sure to PM you once I'm home this evening.. 
Idiot (Can I call you something else, like... Maybe... Superstar? Lol);
Thank you for your reply, it really brightened up my day, please don't ever think you've offended, upset or angered me in any way, I understood where you were coming from with your post, and when I replied explaining, that's all i wanted, was to help you to understand why I use the bright colours and such, it really does cheer me up to see an effort being made. Here's how I see it: If I can't be bothered to make an effort with how I look, on that particular day, at least I can brighten up my post, hopefully brighten up other peoples' day, and make myself feel better seeing a splash of colour, knowing I've made an effort with at least something.
Again, please don't be sorry, I understand how difficult, upsetting, and frustrating depression can be sometimes, and how ugly it can make us look as a person. I did not judge you when you posted your reply, I know that people struggle sometimes, and that's OK.
Thank you for your comments, I'm glad to see that others notice the effort I put into improving my life in some way. I'm understanding and open, because I have suffered all my life, I know how painful, how isolating, and frustrating that can be. I do not ever want to see others suffer in the way that I have, not if I can do something about it, so by being understanding, open minded, and proactive, I feel I can help others, especially when using my own knowledge and experiences with life.
I used to harm myself an awful lot, every time I felt guilty, upset, angry, generally unhappy, I would self harm. If things got really bad, I'd attempt suicide, because I got fed up, and didn't think that I was strong enough anymore, I didn't think that I could handle the pain anymore. Every single time, I was proved wrong.
I may come across as sound, strong, and generally in control of myself and my actions, but as we all know with depression, it's not always the case, I still have my days where I drop badly. Yesterday was one of those days...
I went into town, to get a few bits of shopping. I bought a new bag for work, because my old one broke, I bought a new pair of shoes, because I needed a new pair for work, I also bought some moisturiser and some Vitamin E oil, to help to reduce my scars and make me feel generally better about myself. I then went and had a sight test, my eyes are doing pretty well, I thought they'd deteriorated a lot, but they've only deteriorated a tiny bit, which was nice to see. Then, I spent an hour having my hair cut, which was lovely. My hair was in dire need of a restyle, and a boost. I love my hairdresser, he knows exactly how to make me feel, and look, a lot better. He did a fantastic job  I then went and had my nails done. Most people would say all of this was unnecessary, but to me, it was all necessary. The bag and shoes, for work, the hair cut and sight test, for work, modelling, and to make me feel better about myself, the nails being done, for a shoot that I have tomorrow, and again, to make me feel better about myself. I left those salons feeling 1000 times better than I had before I went in, even though I'd been getting more and more excited about it all week.
I then got home, and my mood slipped for some reason, I really couldn't put my finger on it. I spoke to a friend about it, and we talked through what could be causing it. at first, I thought it was that I felt unimportant, like people weren't interested in me anymore, didn't want to talk to me, didn't really care. Then, I thought it was because of money worries, but I now don't have any money worries, so it wasn't that. Then, I thought it could be because I'm not singing at the moment... It clicked then, that actually, I felt rubbish because I think I'm not achieving anything. I said to my friend:
"I feel like I'm going to go nowhere with modelling, like I'm going to risk everything for singing and music, and get nowhere, like I'm just not good enough to be a singing teacher, or a professional singer, or possibly even a famous singer. I feel like I am going absolutely nowhere with my life at the moment..."
I think he was quite upset and shocked by what I'd said, because he went silent for a moment, then launched into why all of that is a big lie. Oooops. He was kind about it though, he knew what to say, and we're once again being proactive. I'll be looking for some other musos (musicians) near where I live, and getting together with people who are musically minded, like myself. Music is a big thing for me, it keeps me sane. If I lost my voice permanently, and couldn't sing, I think I would go insane. Singing and playing my guitar, writing music and lyrics, is a massive release for me, and because I haven't done it in so long, I have felt really stuffed up and down in some ways.
This morning, after having a shower, I found myself humming. I stopped myself three times before I eventually went upsatirs to do some ironing. I put some music on, and within seconds, I was singing again. I've woken up in a fabulous mood and I can't stop myself from singing, no matter how hard I try, it's strange!
How do I do it? I wish I could answer that question, so many people ask me, and I ask myself that same question every day. How on Earth do I get myself through every day, even when all seems lost and hopeless? I guess my only answer is that I Hope. My hope has never, ever given up on me, it's never left me, even when I've been in hospital after a suicide attempt, it's always whispered to just try one more time, and every time, I do. This is where it's got me.
I know I'm in a much better place than I was two years ago, two weeks ago in fact. I'm much happier, less stressed, my skin is clearing up, my weight is steadying out, I find myself able to treat myself better, by eating properly, going for that hair cut, having my nails done, buying the things that I need and generally doing daily things that are good for me.
I've just looked in the mirror at myself, standing up to talk to my friend, and my hair looks amazing. I washed it this morning, and left it to dry naturally. The wave in it is fabulous and my smile is sparkling  I'm happy today, and I can't wait for many more days to come like this... 
Thanks again, Superstar. You really live up to that name, you're so wonderful
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