I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I can't give you any advice because I'm stuck in an unpleasant way of living as well and can't change it.
One thing I wanted to ask you though. You said you can't sleep, have you tried meditating? It's not the same as relaxing music at all, because listening to music is a passive task, while meditation is active (when you listen to music you become relaxed as a consequence, when you meditate you "make yourself relax"). Meditation also makes you achieve a really really deep state of relaxation, that's why you have to do it in a sitting position: lying down you fall asleep.
I don't know if it works for insomniacs too... maybe it's a stupid suggestion but do you think it's worth a try? Check youtube for some guided meditations and see if it helps. There will be many results for "relaxation, stress release", etc. but don't be discouraged and just look for guided meditations of some kind.
I really hope this helps