Hellion,

Everything you are discribing comes with the PTSD, I have that too, yes it is very confusing and sooo hard to explain to others. You are talking about the cycles really, I have them too. I know you didn't feel therapy was helping, well, it takes time and lots of talking for it to help. I was in therapy all year last year and with the PTSD and my difficult challenges in my life, YES, it was really very hard and yes, I felt just like you are discribing. Yes, I hate how it is, but I keep trying to be patient with myself.
And you are right, it is not always so easy to do the mind over matter when in a flashback or the days where the memories take over. I find that on those days all I can do is my best to let whatever it is just come forward until it subsides. And afterwards I am often exhausted for a day or two, even feel empty and blah.

Everything you are discribing, I am sure many can relate. This definitely takes time to work through, it just doesn't happen overnight. The brain heals VERY SLOWLY.
The reason you need therapy is to talk and talk and stay on top of keeping yourself motivated to be kind to yourself and keep trying even though it is a challenge. Yes sometimes that lost feeling comes a lot, "Who am I now?", Then I have days where I feel better and wonder why it was so hard and was I too weak or did I feed into it and let it control me. I do know I am doing better than last year, I try to pay attention to what these things are that come forward and what they mean. Often as I address them in a conscious understanding way, the power of them weaken. DONT feed into the negetive lost feelings, I know it is hard, I have that too, but I keep trying to remind myself that I can't help this and I have to be patient.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes