Glad things are okay now for you. As for us, not doing so good. The night was long and terror filled our dreams once again, not only for us but for her too. Even though we cannot reach her right now we can all sense when things are not right. She hears the small cries from the littles but we also can hear her cries in the night. Somehow wish so much we could somehow turn off the dreams and sometimes life itself.

She is not doing well and staying just far enough inside away from the chaos and life itself. Trying hard to be okay for everyone else but inside there lurks a fear and an emptiness that she is trying to hide from the world. Silence can be seen from the outside, silence where words are few and short. She has stepped back almost afraid to be seen so we have to step up to keep going and to get through the day. She does step in and out at times, but is struggling to completely be out today.

Doubt anyone can really sense it because we are good at hiding what we need to and we also know how to keep silent for that was one thing we learned very well. We cannot really reach her but we sense the silence in her and the constant feeling of fear we all share. Sometimes we have to wonder who is really safe or who is trying to set us up. Not that we are accusing anyone of that but it just feels really unsafe right now. Home is not safe so what makes anyplace safe at all?

She fights sleep but it comes at some point, guess that is just part of being human--something we wish to forget. Sometimes we wonder what is the difference between being awake or asleep? Things still happen and we cannot stop it or make it go away. Sometimes we wish we could just go away but is there really anyplace safe at all? When life is not safe and dreams are not safe where does one go?

The sun outside is shining but inside it is black and stormy. We will just keep silent for that somehow feels the safest. We are watching and waiting but we are not sure what we are waiting for it just feels something is lurking and waiting somewhere, we are trying to be prepared but can one ever really be prepared for what waits unknown? We are trying.

cami