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Originally Posted by Secretum
First of all, everyone, I DO NOT want to be overmedicated. I NEVER said that. I simply want to find the med(s) that actually treat my illness. If that happens to be just one med, great. If it happens to be a 5 med combo, great. I just want to feel better. If the meds don't make me feel better, then I don't know why I'm even taking them. In fact, if my pdoc and I don't stumble upon something that actually works before the end of this summer, I will go off of meds entirely. That's how poorly what I'm currently on is working.
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I know that you never said you wanted to be overmedicated (who would?!), but that's always a risk when messing with new meds. I think we just wanted to check that you knew what you were getting yourself into, and it seems you do. If you're planning on quitting meds, they're that ineffective, then you may as well try changing meds.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretum
Venus, I don't equate my education with my life. I'm saying that bipolar is threatening both my career and my life. *TRIGGER WARNING* If you've ever felt sui, you know that it is not over just one thing. When I'm sui, it's because I'm a failure of a human being, because I am invisible to most people, because I have lost the ability to appreciate life (anhedonia), because I will always have to put up with these damn mood swings, because everything is such an effort.... There never is just one reason why I'd end my life. And the mood swings, particularly the recurrent depressions, add to one another and erode my psyche like acid. Eventually, I'm just going to crumble, unless someone or something neutralizes the acid.
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I can understand where Venus was coming from on this one, because a lot of people can be so driven that it DOES become their life. I was one of them. I was perfectly prepared to die in my pursuit of medicine, I wanted it that badly. I would rather have been a dead medical student than alive and not doing medicine. What changed? Well, eventually the depression took away my passion for medicine, and without that passion medicine is just an awful lot of hard work and abuse, and I got tired of being treated like crap, so I left. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, and I wish that I could've done it, but I know that I made the right decision now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Secretum
really don't want to give up on my dreams. My pdoc assures me that he treats several bipolar physicians, so I know that it can be done. I just don't know if I can do it, and that scares me.
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It can be done. My friend has just graduated medschool with Bipolar 1, even though the faculty told her she couldn't do it. They treated her as badly as they treated me but she still had the passion for medicine and so she could still fight. It's not about the diagnosis, it's about how stable you are. You could have any diagnosis going, but as long as you're STABLE throughout the course, you will make it. If you have a small blip, you will probably still make it. My friend had to repeat her final year because of a blip, but she still made it. If despite yours and your pdoc's best efforts you are still having severe symptoms then it probably won't happen. That's the reality unfortunately.
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Originally Posted by Secretum
Roadie, I didn't mean to put down other fields.  I just think that having crazy goals is something that many people with bipolar have in common. Some people want to be rock stars; I want to be a psychiatrist. I'm definitely not any more talented than anyone else. Other fields are not objectively better or worse than psychiatry, but they are mediocre in the sense that they are not what I want to do. Does that make sense? |
I totally get what you're saying here, but times change and you're still young. I sincerely hope that everything works out for you but, if it doesn't, the sun will still rise and life will still go on. It will be devastating for a while but you will get through it. Medicine is important, but it is not the be-all-and-end-all and I hope that you can realise that as it will make medschool easier for you.
All the best,
*Willow*