I'm having a really hard time lately. I don't even know where to start. My head feels like its constantly spinning. I haven't felt this horrible in a long time. I feel like my heads going to explode and like I'm totally alone in this. I've been trying to talk to my partner about it, but she's currently having a really hard time as well and seeing her go through that stresses me even more because there's nothing I can do to help her, and I don't want to talk to her about what I'm going through because I don't want to add to her problems... I don't know what to do anymore I really want to SI and I've been having really realistic dreams about doing it too the point where I'm waking up and examining my body because its so real. The only reason I haven't done anything is because I know it would be really bad and I can't think of a way to hide it from my partner when we live together. I've just been feeling so worthless and alone. I'm paranoid about everything I do because I feel like whatever I do is going to make everyone abandon me. I'm sore all over, and I'm struggeling with eating, I'm so depressed that I have no appetite, my stomach is just constantly clenching. My anxioty is so bad that I'm afraid to even leave one room in the house. I've convinced my self to leave the house if I really have too, but when I'm gone I swet, stutter, shake, and can feel my heart beating every where. I'm having a hard time handeling anything right now, I just don't know what to do and it makes me feel like giving up. I'm so tired of feeling this way, I've been off my meds for awhile, and now even though I think I want to try taking my meds I can't get them because my physciatrist went to a new facility, and didn't notify me, and give me the new number and no one from the old place knows how to get a hold of him. I just feel so alone and like everyone dismisses me and how I'm feeling and I feel like if they do listen that they run away when they start seeing how messed up I am. I just don't know what to do anymore