I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.. I've been there... times when I though the dark, down times would swallow me and I would be stuck there forever. But you are not alone here

Sorry I'm new here myself so I am not familiar with everyone's story yet so forgive me if you have already answered or explained this but do you have a T you can talk to or even your family doctor?

I know smoking (anything) is not the answer (I tried alcohol) they only mask the symptoms (and not for very long) and then you have new issues.