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moremi · May 06, 2012, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tnlibrarian

It was nothing major--I bit my hand so hard I left teeth marks and it was swollen and sore that night and yesterday. It's still a bit swollen but not too bad. I had two screaming kids and I was exhausted--I found myself ready to totally fly off the handle. I went into the kitchen to keep from screaming at them--one is four and one is eight months so it would have been totally irrational to do so--and was going to take an Ativan. I got hit with a wave of major rage and bit myself.

DH told me tonight that he's noticed I'm having periods of depression. He said they are being set off by stuff people say, things that happen or something I percieved someone thought of me. He said I am snapping out of the depressions as fast as they come so I think I'm cycling pretty bad at times. I go to see my psych week after next and will of course call her if things worsen.

DH doesn't know what I did and I have no intention of telling him. If I do he'll want to take off work until I see the psych and I don't want him to have to do that. I haven't had suicidal thoughts so I think I'll be okay until I see the psych. I'm really, really worried, though. I don't want to end up in the hospital, especially with an eight month old who isn't going to do well with Mama being gone. Just please, if you pray to anyone or anything, pray that I'll pull through this without ending up in the hospital or turning suicidal.

Im so sorry your going through this. Its so hard to have small children by itself then add this disease and dang its demanding. I know how you feel I have been there and done that. Mine are older now and I still sometimes boil over the top. Just remember to take time for yourself. Even if its just minutes in a hot bath at night. You do need time to regroup and that is totally normal. Normal mothers need to do this too. I used to tell my kids I was taking a time out and go in my room in the quiet for awhile until I felt like I had it back together. Nothing to be ashamed over just need time for ourselves just like every other person in the world. Pat yourself on the back that your a good enough mom that you are worried about it because trust me there are parents out there that could care less.

Hugs to ya and I said a little prayer for you too. Hope you get in to the doc soon and your cycling slows down. Just remember to take the time you need for yourself. Im sure DH would understand he seems to be pretty understanding and loving to you.