I care and Im here to listen. If we could only make our loved ones understand. They just dont get it and how could they. They have nev felt the extremes that we feel. They feel normal, and if you have ever felt normal it is quiet and blah. They have no idea what its like to live on adrenaline or to be so deeply depressed you fade away into the background. They get upset but never to the extent that we do, they get happy but will never feel the euphoria that we do when manic. They can feel sad but not know what its like to pray for death because taking one more breath seems so hard. They get mad but don't get the exploding feeling that we have when our heads are about to bust open from the blood running to it. They don't know what its like to have a small ordeal feel like the end of the world. Its not fair, it sucks but the truth is they can feel sympathy and try to be empathetic but they will never truly know and we cant blame them for it we can only encourage them to read all they can until they can understand to the point they accept you for who you are.

Just know that you can come here and we do understand. Mental illness is just like any other illness. A person with cancer wouldn't feel any different if they prayed an extra time every day. It doesn't work that way. Yes being close to God helps me at times but it doesn't take away the fact that I am sick. I wish it were that simple. I wish I could make your family understand. Can you maybe provide your family with literature on bipolar. My husband read "loving someone with bipolar disorder" It helped him understand a lot of the things I do or have done in the past. It helped him to realize that this is real and its not going away. He now knows what to look for when I am being triggered or am going into a cycle. It makes a world of difference that he knows and understands what he does.

Having a diagnosis can be a moment of clarity because there is a reason for the madness. You can now start the process of living with your disease instead of around it. You can learn more about yourself and teach others around you more about the disease. You can apologize for things you have done and finally forgive yourself because there is a reason you did it, you were sick. Its not an excuse but it is why it happened. Now you learn from it and grow from it and move on. If others cant or wont understand than that is their problem, they have issues of their own to hold things done in a bipolar episode over you. You were sick, now you are sorry and it should be history. If it was something huge it may just take time for them to realize you were sick and come around again. Its not the end. Its the beginning for you. I hope you run out and get all the literature you can find and teach your loved ones whats been going on with you and you will find comfort and understanding in it too.

Hugs to you if you ever need to talk pm me anytime.