Why don't celebrities count? I think you might get more insight looking at why they do/do not "count" and how you include certain people but leave out others?

We can never make our mothers act in a way that we want, from Day 1 we're thinking, cry-and-we-get-fed, changed, soothed on demand but what we don't get is that it is because they want to, not because we make them. Sometimes though, somewhere in there we get confused about how it all works and angry or feeling bad about ourselves when it does not work the way we want it to. We get a selfish mother and think it is our fault somehow. We get an anxious, distracted, depressed, etc. mother and get angry and think to force her to pay attention. It doesn't work and we grow older and have the habit of trying to get the attention of the woman we want instead of working with ourselves to make ourselves the women we want. It's a matter of focus and direction.

I would turn around and see if you can make yourself "pretty" in your own eyes so you can appreciate yourself and your T. Think of an attribute you have that you know you have and enjoy (I'm thinking of my sense of humor) and how it functions for you positively. I enjoy myself and my sense of humor, it helps me when I am in an "embarrassing" spot, I can tease myself out and I enjoy making others laugh and sharing (very very important word) my sense of humor with others. When I find something funny I instantly tell my husband as I want to see his smile and enjoyment of Me, and my sense of humor.

What you find attractive in your T you find attractive because it is in you; you "recognize" it. You cannot know pretty without being pretty. Sleeping Beauty's stepmother was not the "fairest one of all" in any way, shape, or form! She didn't know what that meant.

I have read this a few times, not sure what to say but I want to be supportive. I struggle with attachment, so I totally understand having feelings and not wanting them.

Rainbow_rose: I'm so sorry and sad to see you going through SO much hurt. I'm in a f'up state and won't be able to give you much input as my D*^* heart won't stop hurting. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.

I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable with your feelings. Try just accepting them as par for the course. Talking about them with your T will be productive because she will reassure you that your feelings are okay with her. I do understand the weirdness you feel about it, though.