I know that April and May are bad months for me. I am having a terrible time with mania. I am bipolar II so my mania feels like my brain is on fire. No matter how much meds I take I cannot relax. Last night I took two 65 mg Geodon, 1 10mg Ambien, 2 Trazedone (All of these are prescribed and dose okd by Pdoc) and it took me 5 hours to be able to relax and sleep. It is so frustrating! That amount of meds should kill a horse! I am afraid of overdosing some night because I need to shut down my mind! Have appt on Wednesday to see Pdoc. My husband (who is my lifeline) will attend the appointment with me. I think he is wearing down. He is so worried about me and works hard as a teacher. I feel so guilty! I would never kill myself but how can I get better. I am thinking about voluntary hospital admission. I send many hugs out to everyone. I know I am just having a bad month. I will get better in the Summer, my best time!