Ria- I think that at some point in recovery we all go through what you are feeling. I am 3 months out of the hospital and still can't bring myself to eat what I am supposed to. I am getting too close to having to be hospitalized again if my weight keeps dropping. The one thing that is keeping me motivated is my daughter. She has a lot of events coming up and I don't want to miss them. If you can find something to motivate you to beat your ed, it helps. You are going to have days where you struggle to eat what you are supposed to, and you are going to have days where you don't. It's ok, that's what recovery is. Take it one bite at a time. Tell yourself that food is medicine. That is how I have to look at it.